RAKE 2018 Day One

We have had a FUN 1st day!!

We started with buying someone coffee...and me too! 🤣 (it is one of our favorites)

Then we went to get some supplies at HEB. While we were there, the kids took some carts back for some elderly customers who were THRILLED. ❤️

At home, we cooked up some goodies and delivered them to our favorite librarians. And to our neighbors! So FUN!

Now we are home planning for tomorrow.

Day 1 ✅

#Ezra #2yearsinHeaven #MissYouE

Would love to hear about your day!

Two Days from RAKE

You guys!! We are getting EXCITED! Friday we invade our cities...with kindness! The kids are picking out their Acts of Kindness...me too! If you would like to join us, just comment. I can email or mail you some leave behind cards. :) It really is simple, and FUN!
If you are just joining us...here's the scoop:
In honor of Ezra being in Heaven 2 Years, we are celebrating with 1 week of Kindness.
We will be doing acts of kindness for the whole week. Friday, February 23rd- March 1st. With special emphasis on March 1st of course!
How can you help? Please do an act of kindness (or many) in honor of Ezra during this week! They can be simple or complex...whatever you want to do! When you do your act of kindness, please give them one of the “Ezra Cards” So Easy! My dream is that together we do hundreds of acts of kindness this week! The world needs some kindness! What better way to honor someone...than to bless someone else in their name!
One of the reasons we settled on Acts of Kindness is because we wanted to be able to involve our kiddos! So, please, involve the kids! They will often lead the way with their tender hearts!

Five Days to RAKE 2018

Friday is the beginning of our week of kindness for Ezra! (It is almost impossible to believe that we are 10 days away from E's Heaven Day.)

Would you join us again for year 2? It's easy. It's fun. All the kiddos can help! There are so many different simple things you can do to show someone kindness. And honestly, it honors our sweet Ezra's life and fills our hearts all at the same time!

Throughout the week we will post ideas and pictures of some of the Acts of Kindness that were done last year.... And then on Friday, we will hit the streets ready to bless the people!

If you would like the Ezra pass along cards, please comment below or text me. I am happy to send them in the mail to you, arrange a pickup time (if you are local), or just email you the pdf file so you can print them yourself!

Thank you, friends....for walking alongside us. Thank you for helping us see the beauty from ashes. We are always thankful. Always.

*Feel free to share...invite your friends, your students, your small groups, and your families... let's bless ALL the people this week!

RAKE 2018

You guys!! We are only 2 weeks away from E’’s Heaven day! Match 1st marks two years that Ezra has been in Heaven. Last year we celebrated with a week of kindness and so many of you joined us! ❤️❤️ It was SO FUN and filled up our LOVE tank so much! We are making it a tradition! Next Friday we February 23rd will kick off our Week of Kindness in honor of Ezra! We will finish up on March 1st- E’s Heaven Day! Please plan to join us...invite anyone else to participate. Everyone needs some kindness!

Just like last year, we have cards to pass out! If you would like us to mail you some cards please just comment! We can also email it by PDF and it should be up on the website soon!


Thank you ALL for helping through these milestones! #MissYouE

A Gift of Rodeo

The girls and I were gifted tickets to the Rodeo and Casting Crowns concert last night!We had an amazing time! (Back at home, Izzy and Jake had a boys night). What a wonderful night for all of us. Side Note...I love watching my girls worship 😍😍 side note 2...I can cry anywhere 🤷‍♀️🙃

The Things Boys Say

At Office Depot the other day getting somethings printed.

Izzy looks up at me and says: “ mom, I don’t think I am going to go to the bathroom good today.”

Me: silent 🤷‍♀️

Izzy: “Mom! I still can pee, but poop is going to hurt!

Me: 😳😳😳

Nice people in the print section of store:😂😂😂😂

Me: ok bud...I’ll ask the question...why are you going to have trouble?

Izzy: “Because at swimming I ate some ROCKS..They don’t really taste like anything! “

Nice people in the print section of store:😂😂😂😂

Me: “Hmmm, hey bud, we (you know humans) we don’t eat rocks. 🙄🙄

Izzy: “I know Mom I just wanted to try them! The inside of the rocks are not bad!”

Your welcome people of Office Depot 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😁🤣

Later...turns out he ate his friend’s favorite rock! 🤪. Boys are weird. ❤️Izzy

Spurs & Sadie

Celebrating this sweet girl and all her hard work tonight! Today she finished 5th grade Math...the whole thing. She is moving on to sixth grade Math next week! This girl is self motivated! It is ALL her idea to complete 2 Math curriculums this year. (Mom may have even tried to talk her out of it! 😳🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️) We are so proud of her and the way she works at the goals she sets! We ❤️❤️ you Sadie Grace! #GoSpursGo

23 Months.....

Somehow it is the 1st…again! Happy 23 months in Heaven little one! I’m really not sure what happened to January. I believe that the first half of the month was just simply recovering from the holidays. Because honestly no matter how much fun we cram into the holidays, it is just not the same with you gone. It doesn’t mean it is bad. It just means your absence is SO glaring in every family event, every vacation, every empty stocking, every cousin get together, every picture. So after pressing through all the events, January left me empty. Your siblings too. There have been an increased number of tears shed this past month…just because they miss you.

And this second year of missing you is hard. So hard. It is like every day is a reminder that you are gone. (Like we need one) But somehow instead of just getting through the 1st Christmas without you….now we start the process of every Christmas without you.

From here out…that is a hard conclusion to come to. And obviously it is not just Christmas. It’s Thanksgiving…It’s your birthday… It’s everyday things I wish you were still doing.

I honestly wish you were still disrupting every. Single. Part. Of our days.

I wish to have to search the trash for what you just threw away.

I wish I was chasing you away from potties and planning my days around your naptime.

Thankfully, I know that you are in the BEST place. The very best.

And I just imagine the joy you had here with us is infinitely more walking and exploring the streets of Heaven.

I can see the wonder in your eyes.

I can hear your laugh.

I can imagine the bear hugs you give Jesus, Grandpere, Meme, Granny, and all the others who know and love you. (I miss them so much)

I can see Jesus lifting you and spinning you around while you both laugh and laugh.

And I will hold on to all of those things until I get to experience them with you!

We love you so much Ezra. You birth stretched me into the leader of a 3 ring circus(😊), but your death has changed every part of me.

I know at the end I will be a better person because of this….it is just a sucky road to travel. (Sucky is appropriate…because it literally feels like life/energy is sucked out of you as you travel this road)

We miss you E. You are loved forever and every and every!

❤️,
Mommy

Friends, as I look in the very near future, I see the 2 year mark...so close. I don’t dwell on it. But please be on the look out for year 2 of Random Acts of Kindness! We had such an AMAZING response last year and it really was such an balm to our souls! We are looking forward to an bigger and better year 2! We will be passing along more Kindness and spreading more joy to anyone we can! And spreading awareness of SUDC! Please consider joining us again...it really is SO much fun.

We are thankful for each of you and your willingness to walk beside us. We are surrounded by God's best. ❤️❤️

Izzy finished

We officially have ALL readers in our house! So proud of this boy! 😍 Yea Izzy!! You are on your way.... We are 3 for 3 with this curriculum! It is not flashy...not really fun either..but it works. 👏👏👏 Each time I go through the book with a child I doubt the process (🙄🙄)many times...but at the end...I have a reader!! (Thankfully I don’t quit during all my doubting.) I LOVE when they can read for themselves!!

22 Months

Happy 22 months (plus 4 days) in Heaven my sweet boy! Happy New Year! I dreamt of you the other night. And I don’t remember much about the dream but just staring at your sweet face. I love you little one. ❤️❤️ We are barreling towards 2 years without you here at a rapid pace. I want to stop time and take a breath. Or 5. But time keeps on ticking. You see...around December 10th I ran out of juice for the year of 2017. If I am honest with myself, I am completely shocked that I made it that far without running out of gas. Empty. What I have discovered in our second year without you...not discovered...figured out for fact is that the fall is rough. Getting back into swing of school, my birthday, Halloween, your birthday, Eating 4 Ezra, Thanksgiving, Daddy’s birthday, Christmas, and New Year’s all come flying at us in less than 100 days. 🙅‍♀️ Last year, I just figured it was getting through all the firsts without you that made me so tired. This year I recognized it, but I just couldn’t get far enough ahead of it. 😢😢 You can never predict how any day is going to go when homeschooling. You just can’t. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. So in addition to the big events listed...there are so many more little ones at home with your siblings who miss you so much. 💔💔 Let me just tell you about a couple of highlights from December (not for sympathy...just facts) Driving home from swimming one day I hear weeping in the back seat. Weeping. 😭😭It takes me a bit to evaluate who is crying. Israel is just wailing and I realize what song is on….. Beautiful Things We Miss by Matthew West...he just keeps saying “Ezra” over and over and breaks my heart. It amazes me that my 6 year old was paying close enough attention to the lyrics to get it...here are just an few… We don't get to rewind There's no such thing as next time Help me remember, help me remember, we don't get this back They were right when they said don't blink It all goes faster than you think Lord, help me remember, help me remember The beautiful things we miss I don't wanna miss it I don't wanna look back someday and find Everything that really mattered Was right in front of me this whole time Open up my eyes, Lord Keep me in the moment just like this Before the beautiful things we love Become the beautiful things we miss 💔💔💔 Our ten year old still overcoming at bedtime. She’s great until you mention the word....bed. Then she fights the fear with everything she has. It is heartbreaking to watch. 💔 Truly. I love that she fights it though. She is walking out her victory one brutal night at a time. 😞 One day at swimming Izzy came up to me and said, “Mom, will you tell me everything that happened at the hospital the day Ezra died? I already told my friends EVERYTHING that I remember from the house part!” 😳😳I look over to see these sweet faces looking at me waiting for more. I told Israel to move on to a new topic and just play. After he scampered off, I walked over to the Mom of the kiddos and explain as best I could what their kids might have just heard. 😳🤷‍♀️😳 Another very awkward conversation. Bless. I believe that 12 year olds are a hard age anyway. The hormones, the middle school, the hormones, and just the general figuring out of life. Did I mention the hormones? 😆😆 Deciding who you will be. So add in missing a brother and friends that have unexpectedly left her….you get a melting pot of emotions and reactions to almost every. Single. Thing you say. Anything. 😜 She is brave. She knows the truth. She will find her way. I just might have a complete head of grey hair first. 👵🏻👵🏻 Social media is a booger in the fall. FB seems to be full of perfect families with their perfect traditions and their perfectly whole photos. Most people only show the perfect. The BEST photo. 📷 Not the one where someone is crying or picking their boogers. It’s a hard place to be when you are missing a kiddo in every picture. 💔 In every tradition. Always a hole. Always. 💔 So I got off social media for a while. Only got on for about 5 minutes a few days a week. #dowhatworks Izzy started requesting that Ezra come listen to him during reading lessons. 😳 What does one say to that? Well I don’t know what the right answer is, but I do what every sane parent must do...of course? We ask really loud for E to come listen to this riveting (not) story his brother is reading. Not once, but twice. 🙂 Sweetest brother ever. 😍 Wednesday December 20th was an memorable day...we were driving to swimmng. We were actually running early. Kids were all listening to Adventures in Odyssey. No bickering. No distractions. Suddenly, traffic stopped and I ran into the car in front of me. (who ran into the car in front of him) Air bags deployed. The whole shebang. Totaled the car. 🚙 Super. Not to over dramatize the event, but it was again me and the kids. Again, I had to call Jake’s school telling the office there was an emergency. My kids were unharmed but rattled emotionally. 5 days before Christmas. Life felt fragile again. So fragile. The lady that was hit actually complemented me on how calm I was for the kids. 😉 Bless her kind heart. She didn’t need to know or witness how quickly my kiddos can emotionally jump off the cliff. And as soon as Jake got there and the kids were safely with their Grandmother, you better believe I cried. 😭 Jake is a saint. Talked me off the emotional cliff too. ❤️ After Christmas Eve service, we visited E’s grave. Gosh, we miss him. Sometimes I can make myself forget for an bit. But at the cemetary you can’t forget. I looked at Jake and said, “How is this real life that we have an child buried here?” I’m pretty sure he didn’t answer. The worst part is that we were not the only ones there at 8:30 pm on Christmas Eve. Ugh. I pretty much bawled the entire 40 minute ride home as Jake blasted the Christmas music. 🎵 Then I dried my face and stuffed the stockings.🎄 Happy birthday, Jesus! You are the reason. ❤️ Everytime I would get myself filled up and ready to face another day….someone needed it. The constant pouring out is life. But you can only pour what you have. There are only so many fumes to go around. Repeat. Grief While I worked hard to heal my heart….it doesn’t mean my kids did the same work. How could they? 💔 So we take opportunity every day to chat about where their heart is. We remind them of the truth and who they are. ✝️ It feels like we say the exact same thing 1000’s of times with no headway. That sounds pretty on paper. But it is usually not in reality. There are tears, there are shouts, there is anger and there are lots of hugs and apologies. This is parenting for sure. 🙄But the emotions are so heightened with the trauma….sometimes having an rational conversation is impossible😳😳. You would probably never know it if you just see us. We look pretty normal. (well some of us 😜) I'm a different person than I was 22 months ago. I woulldn’t say I *adore* uncomfortable situations now, but I certainly don’t run from them. I am not afraid of deep conversations. I am not afraid of your pain or my pain. Tears never make me uncomfortable. If anything, they draw me to a person. It’s almost like a sign that says..”I know pain and I am walking forward too”. 😍 Your death sweet boy, has helped me dig deep, with people. Thank you E. 💙 I will stand arm and arm with others when they are believing for breakthrough for their children. I will talk about your crushed dreams and cheer you on as you dream new dreams. I am honored you would talk about your miscarriage with me I will walk beside you through trials and abandonment. Your crazy doesn’t scare me. Your fear doesn’t scare me. Your grief doesn’t scare me. Your imperfectness does not scare me. Your messy house doesn’t give me one second of pause. If anything, it makes me love you more. Because you are real. Real people love people well. And isn’t that what we are called to do here? Love God, love people. So welcome 2018….We come in staggering...but we will gain strength. We will get ourselves filled to overflowing so we have enough to give. We will declare the promises of God over our family. We will keep singing. We will press in. And we will take one step at a time. We will see victory. We will see giants fall. #MissYouE #thankyouJesus

Flashback

Happy New Year sweet boy! To say we miss you is a huge understatement. We all miss you so much! ❤️❤️❤️. Dance and celebrate with Jesus little one! We are literally one year closer...love you every moment. 💙💙💙 #MissYouE #Ineedahugfromyou #loveyouforever 1 Year Ago See Your Memorieschevron-right Michelle Unger Smith added 7 new photos. January 1, 2017 · Happy New Year Ezra!! We miss you sweet boy. I was just looking back at pictures from last Christmas. My mind imagines what you would have been like this year ... See More