Thursday, December 1, 2016

Happy 9 months in Heaven Ezra!

Happy 9 months in Heaven Ezra! 276 days since I have held you and kissed your sweet face.
23,846,400 seconds
397,440 minutes
6624 hours
276 days
39 weeks and 3 days
75.41% of 2016
When you break it down into numbers, it is staggering to me how long you have been in Heaven. I feel your absence everyday. I think about how things would be different with you here. I think about what you would be doing. I look at other two year olds and smile (and then cry later) at all the fun learning they are doing. 😢
Today I just wanted to stay in bed. I wanted to pull the covers up over my head and not even attempt today.
Under the covers it is quiet.
Under the covers it is comfortable.
Under the covers it is warm.
Under the covers is a haven.
BUT I promised you I would be a better person in any and every way I can think of.
AND your brother wanted breakfast. 😜
And, as I am coming to find out,life is not quiet.
Life is NOT comfortable.
Life is not warm and cozy.
Life is not a haven.
We were unprepared for your Earthly departure. There were no clues, no warning signs, no sickness. Nothing. We blinked. In that blink you were gone, and we were hurled off a cliff. I'm not sure where we landed, but it is foreign territory. This land is uncomfortable. It is not routine. This land is like going through an obstacle course you've never seen before….blindfolded. We know there is no way through it but forward. We can't see what's ahead. We trust that there is good ahead.
We walk one step at a time..searching for solid footing. Finding our footing, we take another step.
Sometimes there are several steps forward in a row.
Sometimes we fall onto an obstacle.
Sometimes we fall off an obstacle.
Sometimes we fail an obstacle.
But each time, we get back up and go again.
And we will keep getting up.
Life is not quiet BUT “He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23:3
Life is uncomfortable BUT He is the “God of all comfort.”
AND if I know that "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.” (Isaiah 43:2)
AND if I know that “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
I can stand in uncomfortable places,do uncomfortable things, have really uncomfortable conversations, and take another step.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John‬ ‭3:16‬)
I will see you again my sweet boy! I will see you forever. ❤️❤️
So this is a really long way to tell you I didn't stay in bed.
-We “helped” Daddy do some jobs on the road.
- We did our RACK for December 1st ( Random Act of Christmas Kindness) in memory of you! 
- And I made special memories with your brother and a $.99 ball
-We lived.
I love you son! We are one month closer to you. ❤️ #MissYouE