Thursday, June 2, 2016

3 months. 92 days. ¼ of a year

3 months. 92 days. ¼ of a year...25% of a year we have been living without you here. I really don’t have an idea how that is possible. I don’t know how we continue on but for the grace of God. I asked your siblings what they missed most about you...Hannah said your smile! Sadie said your noise and chasing you. Israel said playing baseball with you. Narrowing down what I miss is almost impossible. I miss everything. Even the things I didn’t enjoy when you were here, I now yearn to do. Holding you and singing to/with you wins out as what I miss the most, and what I long for the most. Yesterday we went to Sea World for the first time since you died. Everywhere we walked was a memory of the last time we went with you. :)You were so content to ride along in your stroller and just be in the middle of everything (and food of course. Always food!). The memories were coming fast and hard. I think God knew what we could handle. He opened the heavens. As the rain poured down, we made new memories. We darted through the rain...laughing and darting to shelter. We discussed whether or not you would have enjoyed the rain. (the consensus was YES! You would have loved it!) We didn’t even get to go to the kiddie rides because they were shut down...and that’s ok. We did things that were new. For that I am thankful. Your face on the carousel in February I don’t want to forget. Sheer joy. Joy is what you brought to us. Though a lot of times it was circus-like at our home, we LOVED it. We miss it. We miss you. We all do. Light up Heaven little one! ‪#‎MissyouE‬

My sweet friend reminded me the other day that no matter how things look now. Romans 8:28 is still true. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” So it doesn’t look anything close to good right now, but we continue to be faithful and trust that on the other side it will be real good. Thank you friend for speaking life.

Random Nuggets: (if you are still reading this you are either a glutton for punishment or amazing. The jury is still out.)

1. I miss being blissfully unaware of a thing called SUDC (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood - SUDC Foundation). The thought that every other day the same thing happens to another family breaks my heart. Praying for a cure, a cause, something. So that no one else loses their healthy babies!

2. Four year olds say all the things, all the time, in public. It might just be a casual “my brother died” or he might correct some unsuspecting stranger “that he was a big brother but his baby died” or that the “fastest way to get to heaven is to take a nap” This is how it is. So know that if you choose to spend time with us. :)

3. Waterproof eyeliner and waterproof mascara are your best friend. (probably will be for years.)

4. Sharing stories, memories, pictures or just letting us know you are thinking of Ezra WILL make us cry, but we will LOVE YOU MORE for it.