20 Months...

Hey sweet boy. Happy 20 months in Heaven little one! I am sorry that I missed writing to you yesterday and pretty much ALL of today. I’m sure you can see how rough of a couple of days it has been. We will blame it on Texas weather yo-yoing. Daddy thinks I stressed myself into it. It is most likely a mix of both. 🤷‍♀️😜 The truth is October was a hard month for me. One of the hardest months I have had in an year. I miss you. I think I finally figured out one of the reasons it was so hard. I am weary. Weary of walking through events without you. Weary of watching your siblings struggle with anger and fear. Weary of time marching by when I am not ready for it. Weary of searching for ways to parent an child in Heaven. (It’s ridiculous, I know) I started writing down all the words of Jesus recently (don’t be impressed, I am not very far into the process) 🙄 The very first thing recorded of Jesus speaking in Matthew is in Chapter 3. He is telling John that John must baptize him. Vs 15 in the NLT says, “It must be done, because we must do everything that is right.” And whoa did this speak to me. In the midst of planning our 2nd Eating 4 Ezra, I had lost my joy. I want so desperately for it to be a rousing success! Because, in my mind, this is one thing I CAN still do for you. It is something tangible I can wrap my love for you into. Planning an event is not really in my wheelhouse, but it is the right thing to do. The right thing to do for you and your buddies up in Heaven. The right thing to do is to raise awareness. The right thing to do is to help fund research. The right thing to do is to communicate with 1st responders on how to treat traumatized parents walking through an nightmare. The right thing to do is to help other people walking this road find the SUDC Foundation and the support it offers. The right thing to do is hard and uncomfortable. The right thing to do takes everything I have most days. You my beautiful boy are so worth it. You and your throng of radiant friends in Heaven are worth the effort and the exhaustion. I will not grow weary of doing good….at least not for long….because good will happen if I do not give up. I miss you so much son. So much. I long to feel your hands on the side of my face. I long to sing to you before bed. I long to look into those blue eyes. Dance with Jesus little one. I might have stumbled through October, but I am still one month closer to you! #MissYouE 💙💙 Friends, if you could just look at these faces in this super short video. 😍 They are stunning. It takes my breath away to look at this banner. 💔 Did you know that SUDC is the 5th leading cause of death in children 1-4 years of age? No, you didn’t . No one knows that. But we are working hard to change that. Thanks for helping us. We are truly surrounded by the best humans on the planet and we know it. 🌏💙🌎💙